


That Really Knocked His Socks Off

by darkavengerz (darkavenger)



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Socks, Spideypool - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 02:53:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1167797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkavenger/pseuds/darkavengerz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deadpool buys some socks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Really Knocked His Socks Off

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [That Really Knocked His Socks Off](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4659906) by [eraangel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eraangel/pseuds/eraangel)



Wade lies back on the sofa and wriggles the toes of one foot in the air, admiring his latest purchase.

_Spider-Man socks, can you believe these babies were on sale?! Seriously, who wouldn't want a pair of these bad boys?_

The cotton feels all cool and soft against the gnarled skin of his feet, and he wriggles his toes again happily, revelling in the simple, strangely sensual sensation.

_Heh. It looks like Spidey's dancing._ He wriggles his toes more vigorously, watching the fabric-form of the superhero undulate before his eyes. _That's it, dance for me, baby boy. Oh yeah, that feels pretty good too, makes you think it might be worth doing the laundry now and again. Hmm... wonder if this would feel that nice on my dick..._

**No. Seriously? Have we sunk that low? Have we no shame?**

“Clearly not,” Wade snorts, grabbing the sock by its tip and yanking it off. “Have you _met_ me?” 

**We're really going to do this?**  

“We sure are, true believer.” 

Scooching so his back's resting against the arm of the couch, Wade pulls his boxers down until they're tangled round his feet and kicks them off, snickering as they fly through the air and land on the TV, half-draped over the screen. The smile fades as he looks down at himself though, watching the scars flicker and shift across his bare skin. If anything, his dick's worse than the rest of him, the delicate skin cracked and irritated, tender to the touch.

_No wonder no one wants to get up close and personal with lil' Wade, we're like the pictures they show in health class to try and stop kids from getting frisky._

“Abstinence ain't so hard when no one wants to fuck you,” Wade grumbles, licking a stripe of saliva down his palm and wrapping his hand around himself. “Maybe they should promote being butt-ugly as a method of contraception.”

He jerks himself a few times, trying to focus on the pleasure that's beginning to build through the background pain, gritting his teeth and trying not to focus on the familiar, oddly smooth texture of his scars sliding against each other. 

**We're repulsive.**  

“Revolting,” Wade agrees, hissing as a patch of rough skin on his palm catches on his dick. “Fuck. Think good thoughts. Think Black Widow's ass, think Psylocke in that catsuit, think Spidey's butt...”

His dick seems to be waking up; slowly, grudgingly hardening.

“There we go,” Wade grunts with grim satisfaction, reaching for the sock. “Like Lazurus, we rise again.... even if we are late to the party.” 

He slides the sock over his erection, breathing growing heavier as he wraps his hand back around it and starts to slowly fist his dick.

“Oo, baby, now we're talking!”

It doesn't feel anything like fucking a person, but it doesn't feel like he's fucking his own palm again either, and frankly, he'll take what he can get. He groans loudly, appreciatively. Sock-Spidey stares at him reproachfully, the white eye-holes of the mask widening as the fabric stretches, and Wade imagines a horrified expression hidden under the mask.

“Have to thank the little bug for this next time I run into him,” Wade says between gasps, his back arching off the couch-cushions as the pleasure builds. The sock slides easier now, the pre-cum slicking its movements, and the feeling of the cotton peeling off his dick is weirdly satisfying. “Better remember to wash this before I -ah -put it back on.” 

**Well, cum _is_ meant to be good for the skin...**  

“Heh, think it'll take more than some 'special' moisturiser to fix my skin problem,” Wade mutters, grinning twistedly.

He thrusts, hips jerking upwards. “ _Fuck_... Only thing better would be actually having sex with Spidey.”

**Yeah, but let's be honest, this is probably as close as we're going to get.**

“Ah, do you have to ruin it with the constant cynicism?” Wade snaps. “Can't you at least wait 'till I'm done before you start in with gritty realism? Is that too much to ask?” 

Before he can reply, he gasps, eyes snapping shut, breath stuttering as he cums, collapsing back onto the couch in a sweaty heap. For a few blissful seconds, his brain empties while his orgasm courses through him, the whole world washed quiet and white. It's not like when he shoots himself in the head, or when he gets so lost in the killing he can't hear himself think. When he kills himself, everything goes black and cold, and when he gives into the blood-lust, everything goes red and the voices are drowned out as if by the ringing of a monumental bell. But this, this is like peace. 

All too soon, it fades. The warmth and good-nice-pleasant feelings leech away, and the constant chatter of his brain slowly resumes like a radio regaining signal. “Can't you voices shut up for just five minutes?” he grumbles, sitting up. The normal, background levels of pain become noticeable again; not enough to incapacitate, but enough to annoy, to set his teeth on edge and force him to bite out his jokes. He slips the now-soiled sock off his limp dick, feeling slightly guilty as he stares down at Sock-Spidey. “Just like me, huh? I can't have anything nice I don't make dirty.”

He balls the sock up and chucks it so it lands behind the TV and out of sight. “Great. I'm out of clean socks again.”

**That's not true, we still have _one_ sock.**

“Heh, that's right... looks like me and Spidey are gonna be going on our second date tonight.”


End file.
